


Jarnutts Coffee

by sunriseshades



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Hermione Granger, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Flirting, Mutual Pining, Older Man/Younger Woman, Oneshot, Swearing, age gap, sirius is a dumbass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:41:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27737827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunriseshades/pseuds/sunriseshades
Summary: “Fuck you Sirius Black, annoying manipulative fuck” Hermione found herself mumbling.Honestly, even Harry and Ron knew better than to disturb her on a Sunday morning, but somehow Sirius had the nerve to send her a panicked, barely legible patronus claiming of an, “absolute shit storm of an emergency” that required her immediate attendance at Grimmauld Place.orSirius's nightly activities land him in some trouble, and the only person he can think to call is Hermione, which has nothing to do with the fact that he likes it when she's angry with him.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Hermione Granger
Comments: 2
Kudos: 111





	Jarnutts Coffee

“Fuck you Sirius Black, annoying manipulative fuck” Hermione found herself mumbling she shuffled cautiously through the foot of snow. She desperately wrapped her cloak closer around her body, while holding the venti latte that Sirius had insisted she pick up for him. Honestly, even Harry and Ron knew better than to disturb her on a Sunday morning, but somehow Sirius had the nerve to send her a panicked, barely legible patronus claiming of an, “absolute shit storm of an emergency” that required her immediate attendance at Grimmauld Place, despite the fact that it was barely daybreak. 

“Lazy dog” she added under her breath as she hurried up the steps to the old victorian house, her mind briefly flashed to what sort of emergency could qualify such urgency, maybe he had forgotten how to work the toaster, or his Amazon delivery had come late (Sirius had developed a rather odd relationship with muggle technology). She tapped gently on the door, so not to wake the god-awful portrait of his mother, and hopped from foot to foot as her icy breath left her mouth in clouds of smoke. 

Eventually, the door swung open to reveal a haggard, hungover looking Sirius; an inch of stubble covered his tanned features, and his dark hair lay unbrushed around his angular face. More noticeably, however, he was adorned in a pink silk dressing gown that was several sizes too small and barely covered inches of his thigh, so exposed his grand collection of faded prison tattoos. 

“You, Granger, are a star” Sirius complimented, seemingly unbothered by his own questionable appearance. 

“This better be for a good reason” she huffed, succumbing herself to the gothic walls of the ancient house as he took off her coat. She noticed the air hung thickly with the scent of weed and tobacco. 

“Yeah, of course, my head is fucking pounding and you know the only thing that helps is that jarnutts coffee” 

“Starbucks, Sirius” Hermione corrected instinctively, but as she watched the man take a dramatic sip of the beverage, she noticed that his grey eyes sparked with humour, and refrained from sighing. Sirius’s humour tended to sway between a horny teenage boy and middle aged dad at a barbecue. 

“I owe you one, massively - you know, it’s only because you’ve got the brains to help me out here” the wizard promised, an edge of pleading in his usual carefree tone. 

“Don’t flatter me Sirius, just tell me what it is” she prompted, pinching the bridge of her nose. 

Before he could answer, the air was filled with a muffled, high pitched shriek that made Hermione’s blood turn cold. In an instant, she had fled the room and was mounting the stairs as Sirius began saying, 

“Wait! Just hear me out, I can explain!”

The cries were coming from a room on the top floor, and were filled with such utter terror that she felt slightly nauseous. 

“You’d better hurry up and explain, because I’m one minute away from summoning the Aurors” she threatened harshly. 

“I went out with a girl last night - a woman, alright? Had too much to drink and brought her home, might have forgotten that she was muggle and -” 

“WHAT THE FUCK EVEN WAS THAT THING?! WHY DID IT LOOK LIKE THAT!” the woman sobbed hysterically to herself

“-and Kreacher decided to be a pest and scared the shit out of her” 

Hermione's jaw dropped. Of all the stupid, irresposnsible thing the men in her life entertained on such a frequent basis, this one had to take cake. 

“Do you know how many laws you’ve broken? I mean, this is insane, are you fucking serious?! She seethed, her mind flashed with months of potential lawsuits and arguments with muggle ambassadors at the Ministry. She noticed a pained expression flitted across Sirius’s face, as if he was torn between speaking. 

“I mean, no, but she was technically fucking - ow!” he yelled when she wacked him roughly on the arm. 

“Not the time! So, now what? You want me to extract her memories so you can sweep this under the carpet?” she asked incredulously. 

“Well, yeah” he replied sheepishly, and Hermione pinched the bridge of her nose once more - a mannerism she had inherited from her father. To remove someone’s memory blurred many ethical lines that was rarely truly comfortable with. 

“I’m not going to make her forget that you two slept together, that would be too far” she warned. 

“Of course, I wouldn’t want her to forget that part anyway” Sirius said agreeable, and Hermione rolled her eyes. 

“Fine. What’s her name?” she asked, bracing herself to what would inevitable be an incredibly distraught and panicked stranger. 

Sirius looked at her blankly. 

“You’re unbelievable,” she said darkly. “Fine, I’ll find out her name, but we’re going to have to figure out a way to get her from being in bed with you and out of the house as quickly as possible” she said, her mind fumbling with possible scenarios. 

“I mean…” Sirius began slowly, “I have an idea, but I doubt you’ll like it”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ten minutes later, Hermione stood once more at the foot of the hallway, her eyes glued to the grandfather clock. It had taken five eventful minutes to handle the screaming woman locked in Sirius’s bedroom, she had been wrapped in nothing but a bedsheet, and Hermione had been tasked with redressing her in the slinky dress from the night before and settling her stupified form into the bed, where Sirius had joined her. 

When the clock marked five minutes, she began the long pilgrimage up the flight of stairs. Deliberately stomping her feet to draw attention. 

“How could you, Sirius?!” She screeched at the top of her lungs, truthfully it felt good to be able to channel her frustration into screaming. “I know you had a girl over last night!” she added when she got to the landing, and kicked the door aggressively, ensuring her face was alite with rage. 

As hoped, the unnamed blonde beauty had shot up from the bed, and her face had paled in horror. 

“Wait! Hermione, darling I can explain I -” Sirius fumbled clumsily. 

“You bastard!” she howled, grabbing a discarded pillow and smacking it roughly at his head. 

“Oh my god, I- I’m so sorry I had no idea!” the blonde blurted, edging away from the bed cautiously. Truthfully, she looked quite the sight; with naturally pretty features that had been smeared with smudged makeup, and a tight dishevelled dress that exposed a shapely set of breasts that Hermione found herself envying. Still, now wasn’t the time to compare assets. 

“Get out of my house!” she demanded, and the woman immediately fled the room and flung herself down the stairs. Sirius rose from the bed and the pair crept to the bannister to watch her leave, “and never come back!” Hermione added for good measure, as the door slammed harshly against the frame and sent vibrations humming through the house. 

“Quite the little actress, aren’t you poppet?” Sirius said brightly, “you should pretend to be my girlfriend more often” 

Hermione shot him a long suffering look. 

“That was awful, I’m never doing anything like that again” she said firmly, as they padded downstairs. When they reached the hallay, her jaw dropped. “She stole my fucking jacket!” she exclaimed. Instantly mourning the loss of her most designer garment. 

“Shit, I’ll buy you a new one” Sirius promised instantly. 

“No need. I’m taking yours” Hermione said decidedly, yanking the infamous leather jacket from it’s hanger and sliding into it. “Problem?” she asked when she noticed Sirius gazing at her with wide-eyes. 

“No, not all. You’re the boss” he said, his hands raised in surrender. 

“Glad that’s been established” she said sharply. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Hermione boarded the tube on the way home, she found herself tightening the oversized jacket around herself and noticed that it smelt distinctly of Sirius’s masculine cologne mixed with tobacco, and scent a burn flash down her throat. 

She also noticed that she liked it.


End file.
